It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
