weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
