PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We had to coat check the pizza.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
