The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
