i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
