i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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