he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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