we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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