so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize