You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
