They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
