on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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