Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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