i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry about my life...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
