He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
