What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
