Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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