saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
MIDGETS
????
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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