the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
