I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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