I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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