based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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