3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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