does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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