Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
