i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
