um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
