AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
