This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
