Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
