apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
