you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
