I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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