I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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