i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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