for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
