There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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