my mouth tastes like poor choices
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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