Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
