ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
