were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
