Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and she was petting her beer can
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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