Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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