why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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