Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
