Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
