is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
