Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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