is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
