AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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