then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
