Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
