I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
