hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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