loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
