wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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