dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
