I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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