doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
