I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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