You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
