I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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