Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
