My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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