so explain again why im purple
no
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
