and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
