If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
