you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
