If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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