so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
