Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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