How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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