she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
