Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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