im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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