dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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