Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
